In addition to the animal episode, I’ve:
- Slipped on ice
- Had the cops called on me
- Had my car break down
- Smashed my face (and thus my glasses) on my car door
- Gotten a cold (it might even be a viral infection based on how I’ve been feeling)
- Had other strange things happen that I can’t remember at this moment
Additionally, in a moment of clarity, I came to the realization that a lot of my time has been going towards projects that I have not been getting paid for. The more attention I gave to volunteer projects, the more I seem to attract them. I guess whatever you give attention to does expand.
As result, I’ve had to re-think my work life. I’ve had to ask myself what I should be focusing on. I’ve had to let go of some things I’ve enjoyed working on and experimenting with.
I cannot say that I haven’t felt at least a little discouraged. I have realized the need to push through some of my fears, but my life seems to be in upheaval at the moment. Old paradigms are being challenged, and my shortfalls are being exposed.
Picking Myself Up
I believe that every challenge is an opportunity, and that is why I frame it as a challenge and not a problem. A challenge sounds like something to live up to. A problem sounds like something that should be avoided or disposed of as quickly as possible, regardless of whether or not it’s an option.
There is also an element of release. Though I have confronted this issue many times before, I have had to come to terms with the fact that I don’t know how to gain the support of others. Perhaps, more than likely, it’s because of the way I operate on a daily basis. It could also be due to the fact that – historically – I have spread myself too thin. Maybe people are just confused about what it is that I’m up to, and what I am trying to accomplish these days.
I’m not too quick to point to my work as the problem, as I believe I tend to do very good work. I can do just about anything I set my mind to – especially in the creative realm – and I think my track record shows that. I’m not saying that I haven’t done subpar work in the past, but I am saying that excellence is the target I aim for, and I usually hit it.
With that in mind, I have certainly wondered if the what is the problem. In other words, maybe people would love to support me if I was doing something other than blogging and/or podcasting. That’s why I have often requested feedback to gauge interest.
Anyway, my analytical mind tends to get carried away with these thoughts. Perhaps they aren’t terribly productive. Ultimately, maybe I just need to keep going. Maybe I need to reach out to more people, and maybe I need to get more focused.
All I can do is pick myself up and try again.